We don’t choose to live hundreds - or even thousands - of miles away from the people we love. But sometimes it's just not up to us. Schools or careers, families or horizon-broadening adventures are some factors that keep friends and lovers apart.
Most of my closest friends are far away and I’m in a different city to anyone who shares my blood. Before this many provinces lay between me and my boyfriend who then became my long-distance fiancé, and before that – before I ever left the place I started – families and friends were picking up, packing up and replanting their roots in what they hoped would be more secure soil.
It often seems that a relationship will be doomed because of distance, but that certainly has not been the case with my circle. I have found the myth that long-distance relationships are set-up to fail to be just that: a myth. Robbie and I lived as a couple in separate South African cities for two years and are now married. In the same city, of course. Friends who live on separate continents are often more involved in the goings on of my life than those living a few blocks away. So how have we stayed close (and gotten even closer) when we have been so far apart?
Firstly, neither party can be too needy or place unfair expectations on the other. The less you expect the less likely you are to be disappointed. Obviously different relationships vary and what is needed to keep a cross-continental friendship of 10 years going is very different to what two lovers still getting to know each other need. For the latter the challenge and reward is in really sharing in each others daily lives despite the distance. Trust is fundamental and so are little surprises (Postnet packages, a spontaneous visit or even a heartfelt sms). In fact, the crux of these relationships is not only communication but the methods used to communicate.
Even though telephonic communication can be bloody expensive for us South Africans, I recommend the endless-talk-for-no-more-than-7-ronds-after-7pm package from Telkom. I also recommend getting an sms bundle package on your cellphone but be very careful: because it is vocally oriented, sarcasm can be difficult to grasp in written form and is easily misinterpreted! E-mails are a wonderful way of sharing detailed matters or for just dropping a line. MSN, gmail chat and all the other chatting programmes out there are an inexpensive and especially fun way to go if you make use of the smileys, winks and other cute emoticons. Photo sending is a great way of sharing special/crazy/interesting moments/hairstyles/furniture arrangements etc. and can be done via MMS, most e-mail providers or by posting them on your webpage. I went and set up a blog which has proved to be a very good way of keeping those close to me, those far away from me, those I have never met, and various internet stalkers (kidding) abreast of what’s going on in my life.
So, in conclusion, being in a long distance relationship of any kind can be tough- requiring varying degrees of trust, commitment and communication, but they can (and do) work. Some people eventually become happily married as a result of being in a long distance relationship!
A note to those in long-distance friendships: It's nice to remind friends once in a while that they are special and valuable to you.
A note to those in long-distance relationships: I have found that the happier and more independent one is in ones own life, the more the relationship thrives. And figure out ways of making your partner feel cherished!
A note to those suffering: Being apart is hard, but it enables you to continue growing as individuals while still remaining a couple and the more you know about yourself the more you’ll have to share when you are tog3ther again… hang in there guys.
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