Trying

I'm trying to give Son all he needs, wants and demands from me (plus more). I’m falling asleep every night before supper in the bed next to his cot because he insists on having me lie there while he drifts off. At his insistence, I’m up each morning with him at the crack of dawn. No matter that I’ve been feeding baby through the night and up with her from 1am to 2:30 or 3 to 5 rocking or holding or feeding or burping or changing or shushing.

He’s a terror to get into the carseat and I threaten not to take him to school everyday, but I NEED him to go to school. It’s the only time I feel relaxed. When he’s home he wants to be with me all the time. But I just don't have the energy to be with him all the time.

After school- 12 to 5 straight, is too exhausting. He wants stuff from the fridge which he doesn't eat, throws all his toys on the floor which he doesn’t play with and heaven forbid I try put my attention on anything/anyone else during this time!

So I’ve sent him off for a walk with our wonderful domestic worker/nanny, Aunty Fi.

He was so sad to leave me but I selfishly need to be left.

I’ve tried to come up with other ideas but as you've read before- I’m terrified to go out with both of them. I’ve thought of going somewhere "safe", like visiting cousins. But one is in Jo’burg, which is a bit far, and it’s never suitable for the one’s that live here. I take both kids to granny and grampa's house, but the one’s that live here are only around after office hours which is when Robbie comes home anyway. Out of desperation I think of turning to a young, experienced, enthusiastic, energized Au Pair but have basically been warned that I’ll be ruining Son’s life if I send him off with someone like that. So what do I do?

Kind friends have offered their homes; even though they are working I’m welcome to go there.

Would be great if there were a safe, shaded park nearby...

Hey- Veggietot Mom, what you up to this arvie??