Can't blame coffee

Night time on a small boat in a big ocean.

Eyes pasted open. Then coaxed closed.
Trying to breathe evenly.
Heart not controlling blood the way it should,
rather splashing it around inside me
making my guts weak and my mind spin.

All the clocks say a different time.

...for a sweet moment I am released into sleep
'till the car I’m in flashes red on the dashboard, NO OIL
Panic. Dreaming but half awake,
Should have noticed before,
Should have filled up,
But too late now,
NO OIL!
Over heating...

Out of bed. Walk around. Drink water.
Feel a chill. Back in bed. Under the covers. Completely.

Eyes pasted open. Then coaxed closed.
Trying to breathe evenly.
Heart not controlling blood the way it should,
rather splashing it around inside me
making my guts weak and my mind spin.

All the clocks say a different time.

Someone, not me, is sleeping.
I’m begging the night to end
and filling my head with to-do lists
and check-lists
and time-tables
and hope that the shaking of my legs doesn't wake someone up.

Then at some point it must have gotten better because it’s 8am and I can wake up and work through the lists…
and it wouldn’t seem so bad if I wasn’t so goddam tired.